Tag: against

• Save your soul.

  The biggest hurdle in stopping abuse is stopping being a part of the family it is within. How easy to report abuse in another family but where it actually counts is when you see it and respond in kind within your own.

   

  To stop treating a father as a dad and see his actions of being a pedophile and putting him away and out of reach of other little girls.  My family failed at this big time.

   

  The authorities brought him to court, but the family set him free.

   

  I wish this was an anomaly but sadly, most will defend the father and not even let it get as far as ours did.

   

  There is this thing called, “Unconditional Love” that keeps this from happening, and another thing called, “Forgiveness of Sins” that does as well.

   

  We all think that the biggest thing we can do is report pedophiles to the authorities, but that is only a small portion of the job.

   

  The biggest deal is to take a family and rip it apart seeing who really does what, what are they doing, bringing and being, to bring in consciousness where before blindness lived.

   

  The key components a pedophile needs the most is your undying faith in them, your unconditional love and your willingness to continue to bless away his bad behaviors…for you to be relentless in this and NEVER changing.

   

  What most fail to realize it aren’t the authorities that are to blame but the families of these perpetrators.  Well, I believe the law of the land needs a big wake up call and to see that they are allowing dysfunctional families to call the shots…

   

  For as it stands now they are asking blind people to see and act clearly.

   

  Most often, and in my case it is true, that I wasn’t the first one abused, but rather just one of a long line of generations worth.

   

  This was normal behavior.  A mother who was unable to discern abuse for she herself never healed from her own abuse.  Her abused self worth and image attracted a man who operated at the same level.

   

  I am finding out that my brother and I are very much changelings within our family’s heritage, that every now and then one comes along and switches the family traditions, but in order to do so, you leave the family.

   

  What most want is to stop abuse, but what few will do is stop being part of a family.

   

  You will have to go against generations of folks, relatives in order to stop abuse.

   

  It isn’t a simple task, for 99% of the abuse is from someone you know and trust and of the 99%, 50% is from someone who is your blood relative.

   

  It is like turning against your own self…and is.

  You will have to take all you have ever known and begin yet again.

   

  I get so incensed with folks who tell me…I would never or I don’t stand with abuse, while they are still having relationships with people who abuse.

   

  It is insanity.  You are being just as abusive to the child by having a relationship with the person who hurts little children.  The child sees who you are aligned with and KNOWS you are not a safe person or one to help them.

   

  This matter is far more complex than it appears.

   

  Abuse is an infection that has spread through generations of families and will continue on unless you walk away. 

   

  You have to leave the infection called abuse… IT will not leave you.

   

  It will not one day change from hurtful abuse to wonderful love, stop pretending time will heal and change things.

   

  You have to leave it in order to be free of it…and then you have separated your self or isolated the infection to just you and then the real work starts.

   

  You have to see it in all your thoughts and beliefs and have to start working on each one to right it.

   

  To change your old definition of unconditional love to love that is free of abusive effects.

   

  You have to change your mind about a million things.

  You have to be willing to not know your self or those you ‘loved’.

   

  You have to be willing to walk a walk against family and ‘loved’ ones.

   

  I walked this walk…and while it was extremely tough, it is well worth the effort. 

   

  You will not walk alone; you will have the guidance of the Universe if you are a seeker of the truth.

   

  You will be changing your very DNA and the legacy you were born into.

   

  I will help anyone who has been chosen to walk this walk.

   

  So, go ahead and report, but mostly start the dialogue in how far would you go to stop abuse, would you go the whole way, would you forsake the world to save your soul?

   

  August 13, 2011

  abuse, against, childhood, choices, dna, FALC, family, forward, going, legacy, life, walking

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• A Pedophiles Nest

  There is only one human race, but there are many small sprints or similar roads we travel and our travel companions often times are running silently with us, unbeknownst to either of us.

  We feel alone and separated, when in fact our road is quite packed and overrun with folks of all ages.

  As refugees of our own secret war we hide our battle scars, for it is not a war we are proud to be in, it is more like we are prisoners of this war.

  Wartime prisoners walking free in chains of guilt and confused of who our real enemy is and fearful of those we love.

  To frighten to speak of the war crimes, we soldier on in silence, while our behavior displays great cover-ups and covert actions.

  Are we soldiers or are we prisoners?

  Who are we fighting for, whose side are we on?

  In the war of abuse the lines get fuzzy, our enemy lines are blurred by images of father, uncle, brother, sister, mother.

  The enemy looks and sounds too familiar. We can’t tell ‘friendly’ fire from those of our enemies.

  The war against abuse becomes the war against the family, a family’s civil war.

  This family civil war begins when a parent abuses a child or allows a child’s abuse to go untreated. The family home then becomes a war zone, where you’re living with the enemy, a prisoner of war.

  The war has been waging for generations and many lifetimes…and yet we feel that we are the ones who start the war by speaking of it, when if fact we are trying to end it.

  Ending this war means ending the ‘family’ as it stands.

  The insanity of it all, is what they call family is really a civil war, where children are born prisoners and in order to be free, have to leave the family.

  I am not sure I can articulate this correctly, but we are born into the land of the enemies and we are supporting a war machine while being the land it occupies.

  It is like we are on the team of our enemies fighting against ourselves.

  And to me, the reality of this was the beginning of an out and out war, for as long as I was a silent and well-behaved prisoner of war, a family’s image remained intact and the monster remained behind the façade of father.

  The near impossible task is to see the enemy of the family’s civil war, to feel the love evaporate, the trust turn to fear, and face that you lived in the middle of enemy territory.

  The refugees of this war come stumbling out of their families…lost, confused and alone or in the company of siblings in the same condition. In order to win the war, we’ll have to fight against the family, become its enemy.

  What is seen, as a family civil war is actually the war against abusive behavior, is a fight for the innocent children, a battle to begin healing from criminal acts in childhood.

  For all the new refugees and soldiers who have switched sides, I applaud you and your bravery and courage to stand up against enemies.

  The good news is that you have been fighting to keep a monster in power, and now you are fighting to take him down and all the energy, strength and endurance you have used to live within enemy camp can now be used against him/her.

  The family civil war can only be won in tearing the family apart and display it as it is, a pedophile’s nest.

  June 4, 2011

  abuse, against, child, children, civil, enemies, parents, refugees, sexual, war

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• Mother for them.

  I want to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to all the mothers out there who stood up and did what was hard to do.

  Who had a voice that spoke out when their hearts were breaking, who walked away from their home and family to end abuse.

  Who were willing to leave all they have ever known to change the course of abuse in their children’s lives.

  Mothers who walk with shaky legs and confusion, but walk anyway, the ones who can see the hurt child…and then nothing in life matters more, they walk against many who demand their silence.

  The mothers who will give up her dreams for the safety of her children deserve all the accolades of this day.

  The mother who is in fear, but walks anyway, who leaps into the unknown to save her child, I cheer you on.

  These are mothers of true courage and strength and willingly walk face to face with life’s greatest fears to save a child, theirs and others. They do not sit silently and watch and not get involved, they leap when others sulk back.

  They are the heroes who this day belongs to.

  Mothers, who mother in love, walk fearlessly against evil, and are a strong secure place to be held. Who you can trust and who will lead you to your highest good.

  My Happy Mother’s Day wishes and good energy go to you.

  May you stand tall when the world is falling, when your voice is the lone one in the sea of silence, may you find your courage within you, and know that the Universe walks with you always.

  Feel inside and you will feel the strength of all the mothers who sat in fear, they are cheering for you to show them the way.

  Even mothers need heros, you are a mother for them.

  May 7, 2011

  abuse, against, children, courage, fearlessly, hero, mothers, speaking, standing

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• Supporting Me.

  Listening to Eve Ensler on the Ted Conference about Security was amazing. I know she is right, that those of us who lost our security are the ones who will actually take the steps to make a difference.

  With nothing left to lose, we lose nothing.

  We can speak up and speak against what we suffered, our strength and courage comes from all that we lost and have experienced.

  We become strong when we can speak up as to spare another.

  My voice isn’t always accepted, my truths are not easy to hear, yet who better to listen to than one who has already been there?

  Inner security knows you can survive for you have.

  I am secure in knowing there is no security.

  It can’t be bought or orchestrated, life happens.

  Like Byron Katie, I am comfortable now in the don’t know life, where before I had rigid boundaries of knowing and in the end all the knowing I knew were proven wrong.

  Now I have security in the Universal power supporting me.

  April 29, 2011

  abuse, against, boundaries, dysfunction, eve ensler, life, security, speaking, up

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• Boldly slips away unscathed.

  What struck me last night is that the definitions of good and evil in my childhood home were competing for the upper hand, that my father’s heaven was my mother’s hell, and visa versa.

  It truly is that one man’s heaven is another man’s hell.

  My father’s heaven depended upon my silence, and my mother’s actually too…she needed the image of his being just a loving dad, and he did too, both sides terrified of hell, if truth be told.

  I can see how easily it was to manipulate a child in our home, for the values contradicted each other, the front divided, two roads leading to hell if truth be spoken out loud and unforgiving.

  Life was much easier on my father and his pedophile ways, to have silence…it was much easier on my mother, for she didn’t have to know.

  She may have heard us tell our stories, but she didn’t have to believe. If you don’t believe the words spoken, you don’t have to act. If you don’t have to act, your life doesn’t change.

  It is by far harder to change, than it is to remain committed to the cause.

  The cause of us remaining all together.

  My father’s hell was the truth.
  And actually my mother’s hell is the truth as well.
  They lived in heaven in silence.

  But for me, the truth has set me free.
  Hell is being quiet…Heaven is speaking out loud and often.

  I can see how many a child faces the same thing, that the adults in the room lose big time, if the child speaks, that the ones holding our survival need us to play along, pretend and hold up the façade.

  As my friend said, “what will people think” if they knew what was really going on.

  We are to act like it is heaven, while dancing in hell, going with the flow, following the lead of those taking “care” of us.

  Preachers preach of the evil on the outside, while we are imbedded in the camp of evil on the inside.

  What is up and what is down, who is right and who is wrong, or is our camp of evil far reaching?

  The compound has its own boundaries that reach far and wide.

  I know that when I first discovered the evil in my childhood, I quickly seen the churche’s evil, and then even the law of the land.

  Claiming to be the fighters of evil, while many are incapable to actually combat it when they see it face to face.

  When evil knocks at their door, some bless it.
  Some reduce the charges and set it free.
  Some open up their homes allowing access to more little girls.
  Some love evil as a way to heaven.

  The list is long and powerful.

  We are dancing with the devil each time evil knocks and we treat it with goodness, kindness, fairness, compassion, etc.

  Evil dances in our faces, showing us all that it is, an unruly force, taunting our weak defenses, it boldly slips away unscathed.

  December 13, 2010

  abuse, against, childhood, churches, evil, Heaven, hell, love, pathway, preaching, religions, silence, spoken, voices

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• A pocket of Unreality.

  What I think I have been doing in an odd way is by only looking at the criminal, I spared my ‘dad’.

  By focusing so much on the criminal aspects, I negated joining them with my father. I left the father part pushed far away, in a spot where crimes can’t touch him.

  I didn’t want my criminal to intertwine with my dad.

  I didn’t want the combo, the molesting dad.
  I wanted the criminal called Ray.

  This is a reverse of what I did as a child.

  The time has come to join the two together and make them one, a criminal dad.

  Then I become the daughter that he hurt.

  Not just a random girl, and he not a random man.

  The two parts merge as one; the disassociation now associates with both sides of the same mirror, no more trickery.

  I didn’t know that I had slipped the dad in a special spot, and only focused on the criminal, that I had still kept them separated inside.
  In my heart of hearts, in the fiber of my being I had separated them and never spoke of dad crime, just Ray crime.

  This is incredible to me that I had flipped and exchanged into my mental hiding spot, a dad.

  I hadn’t brought them together inside of me for reconciliation.

  Which is why in order to write a letter they will become one.

  A criminal dad.

  Even resorting to his given name or using the word father, removing the familiar comfortable name while addressing his crimes kept the dad safe inside.

  I would not have known that I was hanging on to a dad inside, that I immediately changed his name when the crime came in, yet there is no way to quickly alter the mind’s beliefs and thoughts attached to him.

  Now the time has come to drop the divider and let them hook up together.

  A little girl sits with a criminal dad; there is no separation or pretend space he can sit in, nor I.

  The restraining letter should have been addressed to my mom accomplice.

  What I failed to realize is I was separating them inside by addressing them by their given names, so that I wasn’t saying my mom did this or my dad did that…I was making my familiar into strangers for the crimes.

  This is unreal to me that I protected the child in me by not joining the two together, reversed from my childhood days, but nonetheless kept them separated.

  Perhaps a letter addressed to Mom and Dad is what is needed, to speak my peace now standing in a spot where there is no veil between the roles of mom and dad and criminal and accomplice.

  I never knew that you could do reverse disassociation, switching the good for bad or the bad for good, that the mechanism worked both ways.

  A pocket of unreality. Where real could hide and not be seen by me.

  December 3, 2010

  affects, against, behaviors, children, crimes, criminal, dads, denial, disassociation, Dysfunctional, mental

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