Last night I woke up a few times with very strong feelings between Character and the Situation.
That most often we blame the situation rather than blame our selves and the lack or the choice of action we took in each situation.
There seems to be this wide separation in our thought patterns that has us victims of circumstances rather than participants in our lives.
We don't arrive with Character, but rather over time and through the valleys and mountains in our lives we begin to layer who we are by what we do.
Oddly enough, we somehow tend to NOT believe who others are, we keep blaming the circumstance rather than the character.
The circumstance is often times the accumulation of past events coming home to roost, it is not just a wild card that happened into our lives…
The Universe is the perfect score keeper and it never lets us get away with anything, the 'karma' deal is right on. We do indeed reap what we sow and the longer we put off harvesting, the bigger the crop we have to tend to when we finally get around to seeing what we planted.
What I am here to tell you is you can't plant denial and pull up honesty.
You can't spread seeds of bullying and come up with people who don't fear you.
How you move in the world echoes back your own energy.
Each moment of today is laying the carpet of tomorrow.
There is no vengeful God or evil Universe, there is just you tossing the ball against the wall of the Universe, you will get back what you put out.
There are no mistakes.
Truth will reflect back truth.
Deceit will conjure up relationships minus the truth.
It all begins with you.
You are the common denominator in all things. The world truly does revolve around you.
There are a billion places you can find people behaving badly but all that truly matters in your life is you.
Victims focus on what others need to do in order for them to find peace.
You will know you are no longer a victim when you can find peace in the midst of others behaving badly.
If my happiness depended upon my mother and father healing, I would be a victim of their lives. Instead, I put my wellness in my own hands. I looked in my own life and saw combinations of their dysfunction littered everywhere, and that is where I began.
In each moment of time, I looked at what I was believing or thinking, and then how I acted….did they match or was I a walking contradiction like them; partly truth and partly fiction?
Character can survive any situation if all it wants is truth.
Tag: Character
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All it wants is truth.
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Whatever Reality Serves.
My brother's blog (www.messyguru.typepad.com ) shows the switching characters that a mother often displays when faced with truths that directly oppose her life. Her life and dream and ideals.
I have somehow had this wrong. I had presumed that my mother lived in truth and slide into unreality when uncomfortable subjects arose, but instead it seems she resides in non-reality and will slip out into reality every now and then.
Although this is just hearsay on my part, for she never came out of her camp of denial, pretend, or righteous unknowing for me.
She stayed true to the character of my childhood.
I can't know what would be more perplexing on a child, to have her step forth in knowing, and the go back to unknowing or to remain steadfast in unknowing?
While her actions aluded to the fact that her husband was in jail, for she seen him in an orange jumpsuit behind bars, she never not once spoke to me about why he was there.
This omitance echoes my childhood. This is what I meant by she never once told me to fear my father, to stand clear, to not trust etc. Instead it was always me that had issues, not him and certainly not her.
However during the early months of this, since she wasn't speaking of this, not available by phone, I made my own conclusions about the lay of the land. My body and I were in total agreement to who he was as well as to who he was married to and how this was able to continue on for so long.
My mother's character never wavered from the mother I knew as a child.
My father's character never wavered from the father I knew as a child.
My character greatly changed, when I saw them in their true colors.
All it took was one look, and my whole world shattered.
The character that I had been playing, loving daughter, died.
And in its place a new role was born.
I gave up all outside roles and stood firmly in the role called me.
I moved forward by what I felt inside.
I responded in kind to what life served up
When it served me a pedophile father, I walked in harmony with that.
When it served me up a mother who was unable to step into my world, I accepted that.
My new role is to walk in step with whatever reality serves.
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Go with the Flow.
United we stand united we fall, divided we stand divided we fall…are two phrases that ran around in my head as I laid my weary brain down to sleep.
There has been a humming of difference going on in our home, a vague and nagging two party rule.
This split difference seemed to be two strong individuals doing what they felt was right for them and it didn’t affect the atmosphere within our home, for our individual expressions were directed to those who did not live with us.
Sure we had awkward uncomfortable moments, but they would only arrive when say a party was to be attended and we both didn’t go…yet we both could please ourselves.
Me by staying home, and them by going, two drastically different responses to one event.
It seemed to be this great wide-open free space of self-expression and allowing, and it was.
What happens if our differences fall into our own home, where a person in our relationship changes and our responses are different?
It became crystal clear to me that we were at a cross roads, both individually and as a team.
The individual harmony of our home is tipping and sliding and churning over the way we both deal with actions that go against our moral code.
My daughter’s changing actions have set in motion and are displaying our stark contrasts, where we are both sitting in a very tight spot.
A spot that we both drew comfort in and it allowed us to be ourselves, we may be asked to leave.
What we are being asked is to stand with that sentiment or to reverse and head in another direction; it truly is a turning point in our relationship.
If my daughter continues in the direction she seems to be heading in, she will also change the direction our marriage, it will be the trigger that goes off and we will then be asked to change as well.
She is the key that will turn this all.
Our response is the echo and the reply and what I know from past behaviors, we answered differently.
Can we form as a team and come up with an answering response that will honor both of us?
I see the looming bends in our river, the rapids that will require each of us to hold to our course and see not one boat called family, but three different canoes.
I see how the current in each of our lives may lead us down separated journeys, how the potential for parting is strong, how our differences become stronger not weaker, how their forces propel and repel.
Within each of us lies our sense of self, our value and self worth and that alone is the motor that steers our choices, speaks our voices, and their clamoring for individual power drowns out the unity we once had.
It isn’t the direction that they are heading in, or the rapids beneath them, but rather the integrity within each boat, the honesty and character that directs these boats in their direction.
It seems that the Universe pulls them toward like-minded boats; our separation isn’t what the heart wants, but rather what our actions lead.
The freedom that I lovingly gave that had us all happy in our separate boats, is now coming to bear.
There is a fork in the river now, a change in the stream, a curve that bends their lives from mine… what I can’t know for sure is will they take the curve or change something inside of them.
It isn’t me, but the river of life and how you change or it changes you.
At the end of the day, I am a lady of my own character who has no choice but to follow where it leads…reality wins only but 100% of the time, it is futile for me set my canoe against it.
This is what happened last time, six years ago, where my canoe didn’t go where the rest all went, where the river bent, and my character simply couldn’t go with the flow against the river of reality.
I see my daughter’s canoe swirling lost in the struggle against the rivers flow, not wanting what is and lying to make it right, twirling in the swirling waters going against life’s truth, trying to make something right out of what is wrong.
I have seen this branch of the river before, I have watched as many family members’ canoes got stuck in the madness of seeing an illusion and following.
My shouts fall short and are lost in the waters of time that race by, telling them it is useless to fight what is.
Now this time, the illusion has my daughter in its grips, the fantasy that is but a mirage above the river, and I can’t seem to break the spell that will plunge her back into seeing what is.
And I can’t know the strength and conviction she has with this mirage and how far will she follow it and for how long, and if she does, what will my husband do?
Will his canoe ride with her?
Will his words to fall short?
Will she hear us as we shout; will she trust the mirage or her old reality?
Where will these three canoes go? Which ones will fight reality and who will go with the flow?
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Leading the Charge in your life?
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor wrote in her book, “My Stroke of Insight” that the left side of the brain’s job is to take the least amount of information and weave the most plausible story.
What is so incredible to me is that most of us live solely on the left side and never once question the storyteller!
In fact we live life as a storyteller, but not as a reporter of reality.
The storyteller of our lives can create a fictional life while we are living nonfiction. The left side of our brains has to be our worst enemy.
It allows us to be in dangerous and painful places by selling us a story that collides with reality.
To live in unquestioned knowing is to live in the dark of your life.
My greatest enemy was this storyteller living in my head.
Dr. Jill also writes about the brain’s two sides.
“My Right mind is all about the richness of this present moment. It is filled with gratitude for my life and everyone and everything in it. It is content, compassionate, nurturing and eternally optimistic. To my right mind character, there is no judgment of good/bad or right/wrong, so everything exists on a continuum of relativity. It takes things as they are and acknowledges what is in the present. The temperature is cooler today than yesterday. It doesn’t care. Today it will rain. It makes no difference. It may observe that one person is taller than another person, or this person has more money than that person, but these observations are made without judgment. To my right mind, we are all equal members of the human family. My right mind does not perceive or give heed to territories or artificial boundaries like race or religion.
One of the greatest blessings I received as a result of this hemorrhage is that I had the chance to rejuvenate and strengthen my neurocircuits of innocence and inner joy. Thanks to this stroke, I have become free to explore the world again with childlike curiosity. In the absence of obvious and immediate danger, I feel safe in the world and walk the earth as though it is my backyard. In the consciousness of my right mind, we are laced together as the universal tapestry of human potential and life is good and we are all beautiful just the way we are.
My right mind character is adventurous, celebrative of abundance, and socially adept. It is sensitive to nonverbal communication, empathic, and accurately decodes emotion. My right mind is open to the eternal flow whereby I exist at one with the Universe. It is the seat of my divine mind, the knower, the wise woman, and the observer. It is my intuition and higher consciousness. My right mind is ever present and gets lost in time.
One natural function of my right mind is to bring me new insight in this moment so I can update old files that contain outdated information. For example, throughout my childhood I would not eat squash. Thanks to my right hemisphere, I was willing to give squash a second chance and now I love it. Many of us make judgments with our left hemisphere and then are not willing to step to the right (that is into the consciousness of our right hemisphere) for a file update. For many of us, once we have made a decision, then we are attached to that decision forever. I have found that often the last thing a really dominating left hemisphere wants is to share its limited cranial space with an open minded right counterpart!
My right mind is open to the new possibilities and thinks out of the box. It is not limited by the rules and regulations established by my left mind that created the box. Consequently, my right mind is highly creative in its willingness to try something new. It appreciates that chaos is the first step in the creative process. It is kinesthetic, agile, and loves my body’s ability to move fluidly into the world. It is tuned in to the subtle messages my cells communicate via gut feelings, and it learns through touch and experience.
My right brain celebrates it freedom in the universe and is not bogged down by my past or fearful of what the future may or may not bring. It honors my life and the health of my cells. And it doesn’t just care about my body; it cares about the fitness of your body, our mental health as a society, and our relationship with Mother Earth.
The consciousness of our right mind appreciates that every cell in our bodies (except for the red blood cells) contains the exact same molecular genius as the original zygote cell that was created when our mother’s egg cell combined with our father’s sperm cell. My right mind understands that I am the life force of the fifty trillion molecular geniuses crafting my form. (And it burst into song about that on a regular basis!) It understands that we are all connected to one another in an intricate fabric of cosmos, and it enthusiastically marches to the beat of its own drum.
Freed from all perceptions and boundaries, my right mind proclaims, “I am a part of it all. We are brothers and sisters on this planet. We are here to help make this world a more peaceful and kinder place.” My right mind sees unity among all living entities, and I am hopeful that you are intimately aware of this character within yourself.
As much as I obviously adore the attitude, openness, and enthusiasm with which my right mind embraces life, my left mind character is equally amazing. Please remember that this is the character I spent the better part of a decade resurrecting. My left mind is responsible for taking all that energy, all the of that information about the present moment, and all of those magnificent possibilities perceived by my right mind, and shaping them into something manageable.
My left mind is the tool I use to communicate with the external world. Just as my right mind thinks in collages of images, my left mind thinks in language and speaks to me constantly. Through the use of brain chatter, it not only keeps me abreast of my life, but also manifests my identity. Via my left brain language center’s ability to say, “I am,” I become an independent entity separate from the flow. As such, I become a single, a solid, separate from the whole.
Our left brain is truly one of the finest tools in the universe when it comes to organizing information. My left hemisphere personality takes pride in its ability to categorize, organize, describe, judge and critically analyze absolutely everything. It thrives on constant contemplation and calculation. Regardless of whether or not my mouth is running, my left mind stays busy theorizing, rationalizing, and memorizing. It is a perfectionist and an amazing housekeeper of corporation and home. It constantly says, “everything has a place and everything belongs in its place.” Our right mind character values humanity, while our left mind character concerns itself with finances and economy.
One the scale of doing, my left mind is a magnificent multi-tasker and loves performing as many functions as it can at the same time. It is a true busy bee and partially measures value by how many things it crosses of my daily to do list. Because it things sequentially, it is great at mechanical manipulation. Its ability to focus on differences and distinguishing characteristics makes it a natural builder.
My left brain is particularly gifted at identifying patterns. As a result, it is adept at processing large volumes of information quickly. To keep up with life’s experiences in the external world, my left mind processes information remarkably fast much faster than my right hemisphere, which in comparison tends to hoe-de-doe along. At times my left mind may become manic, while my right mind has the potential to become lazy.
The difference in speed of thought, information processing and output as thought, word and deed, between the two hemispheres, is in part linked to their unique abilities to process different type sensory information. Our right brain perceives the longer wavelengths of light. As a result, the visual perception of our right brain is somewhat blended or softened. The lack of edge perception enables it to focus on the bigger picture of how things relate to one another. Similarly, our right mind tunes in to the lower frequencies of sound that are readily generated by our body gurgles and other natural tones. Consequently, our right mind is biologically designed to readily tune in to our physiology.
In contrast, our left brain perceives the shorter wavelengths of light, increasing its ability to clearly delineate sharp boundaries. As a result, our left mind is biologically adept at identifying separation lines between adjacent entities. At the same time, our left hemisphere language centers tune in to a higher frequencies of sound, which help them detect, discriminate, and interpret tones commonly associated with verbal language.
One of the most prominent characteristics of our left brain is its ability to weave stories. This story-teller portion of the our left brain’s language center is specifically designed to make sense of the world outside of us, based upon minimal amounts of information. It functions by taking whatever details it has to work with, and then weaves them together in the form of a story. Most impressively, our left brain is brilliant in its ability to make stuff up, and fill in the blanks when there are gaps in its factual data. In addition, during its process of generating a story line, our left mind is quite the genius in its ability to manufacture alternative scenarios. And if it’s a subject you really feel passionate about, either good or awful, it’s particularly effective at hooking into those circuits of emotion and exhausting all the ‘what if’ possibilities.
As my left brain language centers recovered and became functional again, I spent a lot of time observing how my storyteller would draw conclusions based on minimal information. For the longest time I found these antics of my storyteller to be rather comical. At least until I realized that my left brain full-heartedly expected the rest of my brain to believe the stories it was making up! Throughout this resurrection of my left mind’s character and skills, it has been extremely important that I retain the understanding that my left brain is doing the best job it can with the information that it has to work with. I need to remember, however, that there are enormous gaps between what I know and what I think I know. I learned that I need to be very wary of my storyteller’s potential for stirring up drama and trauma.
In the same vein, as my left brain enthusiastically manufactured stories that it promoted as the truth, it had a tendency to be redundant – manifesting loops of thought patterns that reverberated through my mind, over and over again. For many of us, these loops of thought run rampant and we find ourselves habitually imagining devastating possibilities. Unfortunately, as a society we do not teach our children that they need to tend carefully the garden of their minds. Without structure, censorship, or discipline, our thoughts run rampant and automatic. Because we have not learned how to more carefully manage what goes on inside our brains, we remain vulnerable to not only what other people think about us, but also to advertising and or political manipulation.
The portion of my left mind that I chose not to recover was the part of my left hemisphere character that had the potential to be mean, worry incessantly, or be verbally abusive to either myself or others. Frankly, I just didn’t like the way these attitudes felt physiologically inside my body. My chest felt tight, I could feel my blood pressure rise, and addition, I wanted to leave behind any of my old emotional circuits that automatically stimulated the instant replay of painful memories. I have found life to be too short to be preoccupied with the pain from the past.
During the process of recovery, I found that the portion of my character that was stubborn, arrogant, sarcastic and/or jealous resided within the ego center of that wounded left brain. This portion of my ego mind held the capacity for me to be a sore loser, hold a grudge, tell lies, and even seek revenge. Reawakening these personality traits was very disturbing to the newly found innocence of my right mind. With lots of effort, I have consciously chosen to recover my left mind’s ego center without giving renewed life to some of those old circuits. Dr. Jill Bolte.
Left brain, Right brain, which is your dominant side, which one is leading the charge in your life?
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I answer…
The faint lines between your business and mine oftentimes blur when it contains the life of you my child, when you bring into my life energies that affect me.
It is crucial to separate and to focus on what is my business and at the same time hand back to you yours.
While I can’t change your behaviors and don’t want them to change for me, I do want to maintain the integrity of our relationship.
There has been a breach and I feel it is only right for me to state how it makes me feel.
It isn’t up to me to change you, but I feel it is only right to state how it will affect the you and me.
The relationship we had previous didn’t have lies, it didn’t have secrets, it had integrity and character, and I am unsure what this will mean to us in the long run to have this vein running through us, it seems to weaken the us.
Inside of our relationship you have brought changes that will define our future, changes that I accept or decline.
What happens if I accept that lying is an okay part of our relationship?
What happens if secrets are okay?
Who then do we become?
Are we not just playacting a good relationship?
Not only is the relationship with self in jeopardy but each relationship you have, for in every relationship you bring you.If you treat your self less, we all feel the less of who you are in our relationship.
The light goes out, the feelings are dim, and we feel that.
To me the second part of any relationship is to say what you need to say, to speak how the actions are affecting you, letting the other know how you feel.
The relationship dance is twofold; no one gets to have more power.
Each of us owns a set of feelings and a voice, it is up to us to express and share.
My business is to share my feelings or hide them, to speak up or sit silently, to show her how my feelings are changing.
She changes and I change.
We are separated but move in the dance of life together as long as we have a relationship.
We relate to each other.
When you do lie I feel lied to.
When you do something loving, I feel love.We are readers of each other, what you give to me I take in its full integrity, I no longer change it, but accept it as it is given.
Your actions come across to me clearly, I read you like a book, there is no mistaking their meanings, what you are doing is speaking to me loud and clear, I am just echoing back how it feels to be on the receiving end.
That is my business.
I tell you how I feel.
Your lies to me are lies about your self.
You are trying not to show me who you are.
I see behind the lies, I watch the actions; the wordy lies fall empty at my feet.Our relationship is only as good as the two people in it.
You bring you and I bring me.
We dance as one from there.
You step and I counter step, you speak and I answer…
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One Verse
Life seems to unfold flatly in front of us and some will half close their eyes to bring in a fuzzy sorta kinda picture, so not to see its pure untouched nakedness.
Raw life.
Life without words, just life arriving unshackled, free and unbound.
Reality.
Worldwide realty show where there is no re-shooting or voice over, just life coming to us live!
Life coming to us live and in living color!
Yet how often do we see/hear and get what is playing out in front of us, the untouched version?
How often do we excuse, dismiss, and let be behaviors due to some long held relationship we feel unable to dissolve?
How often do we respond authentically to what is actually happening, or do we look the other way?
When we turn, does the reality show make a sharp left with us?
Do reality and its history not get recorded due to us blinking instead of responding in kind?
Sometimes living in raw life I find myself brushing up against people who seem unaware that life is a live living breathing moving event.
These are not actors, but actual people living life, it is not a rehearsal or a bad game show.
This is your life.
This is your moment in time, the here and the now, and each little tiny raw life moment is comprising your life, they all get tagged and stored into your history.
What you do today is a day in the life of you.
What you see today and respond to today is a recorded response in the life of you.
How you respond to raw life builds the character called you.
We can either work harder on keeping reality back or succumb to the rawness of life.
Welcoming life exactly as the Universe created it, accepting the darkness as dark, the light as light, love as love, fear as fear…allowing each its own perfection.
Love as love, not fear.
Fear as fear, not love.
Seeing the darkness as dark.Seeing the dance of Life as One….The Universe. One Verse.
I M Perfect lady 