Tag: roles

• Highest Good of All.

  The Will
  “The Spiritual Will is not like the ego’s understanding of will as ‘will power’, which means emotional force with clenched teeth of exertion and increased emotionality. The ego-driven will takes energy and is taxing. It could actually be understood as a form of aggression. In contrast, invoking the Spiritual Will is like opening floodgates and then standing back. The ego/will contextualizes events in terms of cause and effect in which the personal self-will claims credit or blame because it sees itself as a causal agent. In contrast, the Spiritual Will is not personal but is a quality of consciousness that changes context by surrender to an invitation to the power of the Self. The Spiritual Will calibrates at 850, and the personal will calibrates at only the person’s current level of consciousness.”

  “The Spiritual Will, invited by complete surrender is thus capable of performing the seeming ‘miraculous’, whereas the personal will, paradoxically, often automatically triggers resistances, as anyone knows who has tried personal ‘will power’ to overcome even minor habits.”

  “Surrender of the personal will to the Will (Wisdom of God (or Providence, Higher Power) signifies relinquishment of control. One can expect the ego to resist doing so, and it invents excuses, counterarguments, and multiple fears in order to maintain illusory control. The ego’s positions are reinforced by pride as well as desire for specific results. Thus, to the ego, to step back and invite the intervention of Divinity seems like a loss whereas, to the Spirit, it is definitely a win.”

  “Another limitation to the personal will is that it has no knowledge of karmic propensities or propitious timing, nor does it have the wisdom (omnipotence) to comprehend beneficial sequence. The Self orchestrates with an inner knowingness of capacity. For instance, to try to face a certain conflict prematurely may be unsuccessful, whereas, it would have been more successful after a few layers of the conflict had been resolved.”

  David Hawkins – Discovery of the Presence of God

  Playing God in someone else life is very tricky, especially if you don’t have all the plans and the karmic understanding and the souls purpose.

  What I found, after I exhausted myself, is that there was no way my self was able to change people, convince them against their will. But the will I was trying to bend, was perhaps God’s Will.

  I can’t know why they do what they do or go where they go, but it seems that they are preprogrammed, predestined to head in that direction and have an unshakeable resolve and focus on going there.

  Just as within me something would not allow me to be with my old family, nor stay asleep in the old dysfunction, I was being led forward from the inside out.

  A me inside woke up to a new direction, a new awareness, a new pathway, and I simply could not go against it.

  This experience within me, reminds me when it seems like I am tangling with a bull, that their journey isn’t open to what I am saying.

  It isn’t me, it truly isn’t time for them to know more, be different etc, in fact it is the right time for them to do exactly as they did.

  I am also reminded that I needed folks to be the perfect examples of my old mindset in order for me to see the dark blindness I had been. They stood waving flags of dysfunction to show me that wasn’t the way.

  So, if you know and believe and trust that within you is the blueprint and the plan, that your course is set and all you have to do is follow it by how you feel, you literally can’t do anything wrong.

  My life unfolded according to plan, and there isn’t one thing that happened before its time, nor one thing that could be removed, it is all perfect.

  The folks I met that seemed indifferent, should have been, that was the job they signed up to play in my life, they they did so perfectly.

  I can take each person I met and see a reason and a lesson I learned from them, how they showed me how to be a more self aware me, how to bring all my love, peace and joy and feel it inside, be a complete package of one.

  Perhaps what we call chaos and evil, are just people with roles to play in order for us to become aware of the Self inside of us, the one that dances to the cosmic plan of the Universe.

  By seeing who they are and how they believe, how their minds work and how disconnected they seems from Spirit, allows me to find my way. I hold no grudges or resentments; I have faith in the Universal plan, that it is all choreographed for the highest good of all.

  June 13, 2011

  david, discovery, evil, FALC, gifts, God, good, Hawkings, journey, karmic, lessons, life, of, plan, roles, the Presence

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• Theories as a Protective Shield

  “Theories as a Protective Shield” chapter 4, in Banished Knowledge by Alice Miller, she writes…

  “The feminist movement will forfeit none of its strength if it finally admits that mothers also abuse their children. Only the truth, even the most uncomfortable, endows a movement with the strength to change society, not the denial of truth. When men abuse their women and the women put up with it, both the violence of the men and the tolerance of the women are consequences of early child abuse. Hence young children, male as well as female, can become victims of adults of either sex. When sensitive nonbrutal women (and men) are incapable of protecting their children from the brutality of their partner, one must contribute this inability to the blinding process and the intimidation experienced in their own childhood. That is the simple truth. Only when these roots of all violence are exposed is it possible to examine the phenomena without retouching or embellishing them.”

  “When a female therapist has been taught that men are solely to blame for all the evil of the world, she will, of course, be able to support her female patients when they eventually discover that they have been sexually abused by their fathers, grandfathers, or brothers: Unlike the followers of the drive theory, she will not talk them out of this truth. But as long as the truth about their mother who allowed the abuse to happen, who failed to protect the child and ignored her distress, is kept out of sight, the full reality is not allowed to be either perceived or acknowledged. And as long as the child’s feelings cannot be experienced, the rage against me – a rage she can already experience – remains impotent; it can even remain coupled with the undissolved loyalty and devotion toward the father or other abusive men.”

  “When mothers are defended as pathetic victims, the female patient will not discover that with a loving, protective, perceptive, and courageous mother she could never have been abused by her father or brother. A daughter who has learned from her mother that she is worth protecting will find protection among strangers too and will be able to defend herself. When she has learned what love is, she will not succumb to simulated love. But a child who was merely pushed aside and disciplined, who never experienced soothing caresses, is not aware that anything like nonexploitative caresses can exist. She has no choice but to accept any closeness she is offered rather than be destroyed. Under certain circumstances she will even accept sexual abuse for the sake of finding at least some affection rather than freezing up entirely. When, as an adult woman, she comes to realize that she was cheated out of love, she may be ashamed of her former need and hence feel guilty. She will blame herself because she dare not blame her mother, who failed to satisfy the child’s need or perhaps even condemned it.”

  “Psychoanalysts protect the father and embroider the sexual abuse of the child with the Oedipus, or Electra, complex, while some feminist therapists idealize the mother, thus hindering access to the child’s first traumatic experiences with the mother. Both approaches can lead to a dead end, since the dissolving of pain and fear is not possible until the full truth of the facts can be seen and accepted.”

  “But even in the absence of ideological motives, the truth can be disregarded in therapies if the patient is offered no tolls to deal with his feelings and to systematically query and test his hypotheses. Even the harshest reproaches directed at the parents won’t help the patient achieve liberation as long as the truth remains inaccessible. This will be the case if, for example, the child had a father in whose presence he could scarcely utter a word without being interrupted and barked at. This patient may for a very long time find it impossible to achieve an inner confrontation with his father and to articulate his accusations. The liberated feelings are directed first against the mother, who terrorized the child less. The reverse may also happen – that the child feared his father less than he feared his mother and that the patient first accuses his father, quite unconsciously because the earlier experiences are still inaccessible, of things he actually experienced with his mother. Thus, based on self protection and fear, a distorted picture of the past takes shape. In the course of therapy these distortions can be corrected, provided the therapy is aimed at discovering the reality. If it is, the therapists knows that the patient can accuse only the parent in who he still had a modicum of confidence and not the parent in whose presence he had been paralyzed with fear. The therapist will help him discover the truth of his history so that he doesn’t blame the wrong people but blames those who really deserve it and, moreover, only for those deeds that were actually committed. For nobody achieves freedom by blaming people who in reality never harmed him. By directing diffuse, nonspecific, and unsubstantiated accusations at surrogate persons, the patient will achieve no improvement of his condition but will often remain in a state of disastrous confusion. Liberation comes with the ability to defend oneself where it is necessary and appropriate. The more realistic a person becomes and the more he frees himself of ideological and theoretical trimmings the better he will succeed.” Alice Miller

  May 22, 2011

  a protective, abuse, Alice, as, Banished, childhood, facing, Knowledge, liberation, Miller, parents, roles, shield, theories, truth

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• Hand and Hand.

  All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

  Somehow I missed the melancholy of change, the loss, the death of one life, in order to be in a new life.

  And felt that I was doing change wrong, for I was sad as I changed.

  Leaving behind myself I had known for 46 years, I grieved losing that part of me, as I embraced a change that would become the new me.

  In the case of divorcing my parents, I had to the let the daughter in me die. There now stands a hole where daughter use to be.

  My daughter role is no more.

  You forget to remember the old you is gone, like a phantom limb it takes awhile to feel the new normal, and there is a grieving period, where sorrow can arise in odd places, unannounced sadness pours out.

  That view of self is unrecognizable for a while, you feel strange to yourself inside, and your movements are awkward for you don’t really know what it is the new you will do.

  Even when change is for the better, for a healthier you, you still have to let go and let die the old you.
  For some reason I kept forcing my thoughts to look towards the good things, and felt like I was a failure when I looked back and grieved.

  Now I know that grieving is a natural part of change.

  And with the overwhelming amount of change I have experienced in the last 5, well almost 6 years, it is no wonder that there has been lots to grieve.

  Who knew change and grieving go hand and hand…

  December 1, 2010

  changes, death, dying, grief, growth, life, melancholy, natural, New, old, roles, self, shame, sorrow

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• Reality

  Names.  What does a name mean?  You call someone by their name, or even by their title.  What does that mean?  What does that really tell you about a person, and what does it cover up?

  A name covers things up? That seems weird?  Can you hide behind a name?  Can you use it as a mask?  What does a Mask cover?  How do you know there is a mask, can you ask, can you peek, will they tell you? Do other adults warn you?

  In the Native American way, they name people, such as Run Fast.

  And you could pretty much know what that person was Know for.  They don’t have names like Slow Walker for someone who runs fast.  And I wonder if they ever name the baby wrong and have a new renaming ceremony.

  When my son was little, he and his cousin seen a huge man trying to wiggle into a booth at Burger King….and they both were amazed and said “do you think he will fit?” of course in a voice that carried far and wide!  As a mom, my first instinct is to protect the Man and tell the boys, you don’t say that, and in fact I did. I also remember these big brown eyes look at me and say plainly, Why?  It seemed goofy to them?

  Think of how we go around and label things correctly for them.

  A tree.  The sun. A house.  The easy and plain things, but get us into an area we feel uncomfortable in….and we start to disguise, twist, sortakinda name it.  Hoping that they will not discover our lies.

  Now bring this into abuse? 

  What I would like to see is the opposite happening and teach all children to be ok with proper naming of actions….sorta like the Native Americans.  Or see all adults being true.

  Maybe in one day a person gets many names.

  In the past four years, I began noticing I no longer called or seen myself as just one role, mom.

  I would say “cooker girl”…when cooking.

  I called myself by what I was doing, not who I was.

  It sounded almost childlike, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  If you go to www.messyguru.typepad.com you can see what I mean.

  However, I will warn you right now, this is a dialogue between an abused boy and what he calls his editor.

  The editor is the one who refused to see what is, now and back then.

  Maybe you could also call him, Mr. Denial.

  It is with the greatest respect that I enter his site. 

  He and I are very much the opposites. While he remembered everything, my mind forgot it all. 

  I was literally blasted into reality with a mind full of wrong information.  It seemed a Mental Lady in reality for so much I had wrong.

  Abuse lives in the mind.

  The body holds the truth, but the mind controls our lives.

  An abused mind is the hardest thing to make right.

  I had said, “It is literally like being lost, trying to find yourself and you don’t even know your missing, or what in the Hell you look like. “   Where do you begin?

  The courage it takes to willingly go into a mental mind and sort things out, is an adventure I wouldn’t wish on a soul. 

  The greatest tool an abused person has is REALITY, Period.

  Without reality we are lost forever.

  We must go back to the seed of the abuse to see where we got it wrong and speak to denial to get it right, to argue to challenge to use our grownup big words this time.  For when the initial abuse happened, you can be sure we were left alone in our minds without adult supervision.

  Reality what a Blessed place to be!

  Reality or Denial, Pick one.

   

  April 23, 2009

  awareness, denial, falsehood, masks, pathway, reality, roles, twisted mind

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