What struck me last night is that the definitions of good and evil in my childhood home were competing for the upper hand, that my father’s heaven was my mother’s hell, and visa versa.
It truly is that one man’s heaven is another man’s hell.
My father’s heaven depended upon my silence, and my mother’s actually too…she needed the image of his being just a loving dad, and he did too, both sides terrified of hell, if truth be told.
I can see how easily it was to manipulate a child in our home, for the values contradicted each other, the front divided, two roads leading to hell if truth be spoken out loud and unforgiving.
Life was much easier on my father and his pedophile ways, to have silence…it was much easier on my mother, for she didn’t have to know.
She may have heard us tell our stories, but she didn’t have to believe. If you don’t believe the words spoken, you don’t have to act. If you don’t have to act, your life doesn’t change.
It is by far harder to change, than it is to remain committed to the cause.
The cause of us remaining all together.
My father’s hell was the truth.
And actually my mother’s hell is the truth as well.
They lived in heaven in silence.
But for me, the truth has set me free.
Hell is being quiet…Heaven is speaking out loud and often.
I can see how many a child faces the same thing, that the adults in the room lose big time, if the child speaks, that the ones holding our survival need us to play along, pretend and hold up the façade.
As my friend said, “what will people think” if they knew what was really going on.
We are to act like it is heaven, while dancing in hell, going with the flow, following the lead of those taking “care” of us.
Preachers preach of the evil on the outside, while we are imbedded in the camp of evil on the inside.
What is up and what is down, who is right and who is wrong, or is our camp of evil far reaching?
The compound has its own boundaries that reach far and wide.
I know that when I first discovered the evil in my childhood, I quickly seen the churche’s evil, and then even the law of the land.
Claiming to be the fighters of evil, while many are incapable to actually combat it when they see it face to face.
When evil knocks at their door, some bless it.
Some reduce the charges and set it free.
Some open up their homes allowing access to more little girls.
Some love evil as a way to heaven.
The list is long and powerful.
We are dancing with the devil each time evil knocks and we treat it with goodness, kindness, fairness, compassion, etc.
Evil dances in our faces, showing us all that it is, an unruly force, taunting our weak defenses, it boldly slips away unscathed.
I M Perfect lady 