United we stand united we fall, divided we stand divided we fall…are two phrases that ran around in my head as I laid my weary brain down to sleep.
There has been a humming of difference going on in our home, a vague and nagging two party rule.
This split difference seemed to be two strong individuals doing what they felt was right for them and it didn’t affect the atmosphere within our home, for our individual expressions were directed to those who did not live with us.
Sure we had awkward uncomfortable moments, but they would only arrive when say a party was to be attended and we both didn’t go…yet we both could please ourselves.
Me by staying home, and them by going, two drastically different responses to one event.
It seemed to be this great wide-open free space of self-expression and allowing, and it was.
What happens if our differences fall into our own home, where a person in our relationship changes and our responses are different?
It became crystal clear to me that we were at a cross roads, both individually and as a team.
The individual harmony of our home is tipping and sliding and churning over the way we both deal with actions that go against our moral code.
My daughter’s changing actions have set in motion and are displaying our stark contrasts, where we are both sitting in a very tight spot.
A spot that we both drew comfort in and it allowed us to be ourselves, we may be asked to leave.
What we are being asked is to stand with that sentiment or to reverse and head in another direction; it truly is a turning point in our relationship.
If my daughter continues in the direction she seems to be heading in, she will also change the direction our marriage, it will be the trigger that goes off and we will then be asked to change as well.
She is the key that will turn this all.
Our response is the echo and the reply and what I know from past behaviors, we answered differently.
Can we form as a team and come up with an answering response that will honor both of us?
I see the looming bends in our river, the rapids that will require each of us to hold to our course and see not one boat called family, but three different canoes.
I see how the current in each of our lives may lead us down separated journeys, how the potential for parting is strong, how our differences become stronger not weaker, how their forces propel and repel.
Within each of us lies our sense of self, our value and self worth and that alone is the motor that steers our choices, speaks our voices, and their clamoring for individual power drowns out the unity we once had.
It isn’t the direction that they are heading in, or the rapids beneath them, but rather the integrity within each boat, the honesty and character that directs these boats in their direction.
It seems that the Universe pulls them toward like-minded boats; our separation isn’t what the heart wants, but rather what our actions lead.
The freedom that I lovingly gave that had us all happy in our separate boats, is now coming to bear.
There is a fork in the river now, a change in the stream, a curve that bends their lives from mine… what I can’t know for sure is will they take the curve or change something inside of them.
It isn’t me, but the river of life and how you change or it changes you.
At the end of the day, I am a lady of my own character who has no choice but to follow where it leads…reality wins only but 100% of the time, it is futile for me set my canoe against it.
This is what happened last time, six years ago, where my canoe didn’t go where the rest all went, where the river bent, and my character simply couldn’t go with the flow against the river of reality.
I see my daughter’s canoe swirling lost in the struggle against the rivers flow, not wanting what is and lying to make it right, twirling in the swirling waters going against life’s truth, trying to make something right out of what is wrong.
I have seen this branch of the river before, I have watched as many family members’ canoes got stuck in the madness of seeing an illusion and following.
My shouts fall short and are lost in the waters of time that race by, telling them it is useless to fight what is.
Now this time, the illusion has my daughter in its grips, the fantasy that is but a mirage above the river, and I can’t seem to break the spell that will plunge her back into seeing what is.
And I can’t know the strength and conviction she has with this mirage and how far will she follow it and for how long, and if she does, what will my husband do?
Will his canoe ride with her?
Will his words to fall short?
Will she hear us as we shout; will she trust the mirage or her old reality?
Where will these three canoes go? Which ones will fight reality and who will go with the flow?
I M Perfect lady 